Technology: The 10,000 Year Clock

"We are as gods and we might as well get good at it"
Stewart Brand, 1968, from the Whole Earth Catalog

Our society has often had the problem of being short sighted. And we've had an even bigger problem with planning ahead. Just look at the fiasco that was the Y2K crisis where computers built to the turn of the century only used two digits to denote years, IE: 12/31/99. This could have been a non-issue if the designers of computers had the forethought to realize that a new century would come about at some point or another, and just designed it right from the beginning. Did they think, "Oh, fuck it. Let it be someone else's problem"? Now, of course the disaster that was going to land on our head's on 01/01/00 never happened. But it could have, and it could have been the most epic of fails.

One man, however, decided that it’s important to look forward. Computer scientist, designer, and inventor Danny Hillis came up with an idea in 1989 to design a clock that would keep time for the next 10,000 years. No one can predict what the world will be like 10,000 years from now. In fact, there’s a good chance our civilization could be extinct by then (thanks, Mayans). However, according to the Long Now Foundation, started by Hillis in 1996 to support the project, most civilizations last about 10,000 years.

On left, a technical drawing of the Clock.
On right, a much smaller prototype version of what the Clock will actually be.

Designed to be a symbol, an icon for long-term thinking, the 10,000 Year Clock is of monumental scale - so mind bogglingly huge, that they had to build it inside a mountain in West Texas. Hillis has been thinking about and working on the Clock for more than 22 years. He wanted to build a Clock that ticks once a year, where the century hand advances once every 100 years, and the cuckoo comes out on the millennium. The vision was, and still is, to build a Clock that will keep time for the next 10,000 years. Now that's a commitment!

A project like this obviously isn’t cheap, but Hillis and team have some good support, specifically from Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos who has given $42 million to the project. Bezos didn’t just give the project a boatload of money; he’s also giving it a mountain to build in. According to a website Bezos recently launched called 10000yearclock.net, Bezos has been helping Hillis with the project for the past six years.

Hillis will be building the clock on Bezos’ land in western Texas. It’s the first of what the Long Now Foundation hopes to be many millennial clocks that will be built around the world. A second site has already been purchased in Nevada for the second clock.

Does not care for clocks.

The clock actually needs two to three people to wind it. However, it also runs off of solar power, so it can technically never have a visitor and still tick away. It can also run for 100 years without solar power. So, granted we lose our sun, the clock could work a century without it before it needs humans to wind it up.  But by then, the Earth will likely be run by Morloks, and I don't think they'll give a rat's ass about a clock.

To conserve energy, the clock doesn’t show the time unless someone prompts it. Otherwise, the visitor will see the time of the last visitor. This is pretty neat, in a way, since you can see the last time a person had visited the clock, which could be days or decades.



The clock uses 20 huge horizontal gears called Geneva wheels, which are 8 feet in diameter and weigh 1,000 pounds each. This mechanical computer calculates the over 3.5 million different melodies that the chimes will ring. The father of ambient music, Brian Eno, composed the never-repeating melody generator that rings the clock’s chimes, making each visit to the clock 100-percent unique. There are 10 huge chimes that are optimized for the acoustics of the shaft space.  Each user’s experience is unique and no two users will ever create the same sound, much like how the clock’s chimes will work.

Carved into the mountain are five room-sized anniversary chambers: 1 year, 10 year, 100 year, 1,000 year, and 10,000 year anniversaries. The one year anniversary chamber is a special orrery. In addition to the planets and the Earth's moon, it includes all of the interplanetary probes launched during the 20th century, humankind's first century in space. Among others, you'll see the Grand Tour: Voyager 2's swing by of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. The Clock will activate and run the orrery once a year on a pre-determined date at solar noon.

They aren't planning to build the animations for the 100, 1,000, and 10,000 year anniversary chambers, but they will instead leave those to future generations. The team will be providing a mechanical interface into those chambers that provides those future builders with power and the correct Clock triggering events. They do, however, intend to build the animation for the 10 year anniversary chamber, but haven't yet decided what it will be.

Visiting the Clock will take a commitment. The nearest airport is several hours away by car, and the foot trail to the Clock is rugged, rising almost 2,000 feet above the valley floor. If you are interested in visiting the Clock when it is complete (in quite a few years), you can subscribe to Clock Interest by emailing a blank message to clockinterest@10000yearclock.net. I know I plan on making the trek. I hope it'll be worth the wait.

Geek Culture: Life at the Googleplex

Ever think you have the wrong job? Even if you have an awesome job, with great pay and fantastic perks, you don't have anything compared to what the folks who work for Google do.

From amazing cafeterias to sleeping pods - yes, sleeping pods - Google employees definitely have it good. But besides being able to ride around the office on scooters, Google’s employees have another thing to be happy about. Google employees are the best-paid in the IT industry. In fact, they make 23% more than the IT industry's market pay average, followed by Amazon at 17%, and both Apple and Microsoft pay around 15% more than the average IT starting salary, according to a PayScale survey. So, if you can't get you can't get yourself a job at Google, there are still plenty of other places where you can get a fat paycheque.



Besides being paid significantly more than the average, Google employees also save money in tons of other ways, making their paychecks last longer. For example, Googlers don’t have to pay for their meals at the office. They have a wide array of chef-prepared choices, some of which come from produce grown right at the office. Employees can eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for free. They even have barbeques during the summer. So, Google employees can save on groceries.

In addition, they also have multiple gyms and trainers at the office, so there’s another major expense to cross off the list. Going to the doctor won’t cost you a dime either and you won’t have to make time to leave the office to visit your doc. Google has its own doctor on hand to help them out. If you don’t have time to do your laundry during the work week, you can just take it with you to work and do it at Google. Yes, you’ll still have to do your own laundry, but it’s free, and you can do it between making your own cappuccinos and espresso. You can also drop your laundry off for dry cleaning, alterations, and also shoe repair, which we assume will cost you something.

Besides saving money on food, coffee, fitness, health, and laundry, the Google office also has other perks, like sleep pods for taking naps, a masseuse on hand that gives you a free massage on your birthday, and use of a fleet of Toyota Prius hybrid cars. We could go on and on about why Google is an awesome place to work, but instead, you can just drool over the video below from the Travel channel.


There's a video on YouTube about life at the Googleplex, but I'll save you the hassle of hunting it down. While you watch it, I'm going to go talk to my boss about some changes that need to be made around here.

 

Comics: DC to Relaunch Their ENTIRE Line!

(JUSTICE LEAGUE #1;
Art by Jim Lee and Scott Williams;
Colors by Alex Sinclair;
Copyright: DC Comics)

Coming to a Newstand/Smartphone near you, this September... DC Comics has announced plans to relaunch their ENTIRE line, spanning across the entire DC Universe, giving us 52 issue #1s and will feature "younger" and cosmetically redesigned versions of the heroes of the DC Universe.

Written by Geoff Johns and illustrated by Jim Lee, Justice League will be the first of the more than 50 titles to debut in September, each of which will go on sale with same day digital releases via DC's various mobile applications and Web store. The initiative is designed explicitly to make the DC Universe more palatable for new readers and, in the words of DC Comics Co-Publisher Dan DiDio, "today's audience."

Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Wonder Woman and Aquaman are among the DC Comics characters who will be "injected with new life," according to Dan DiDio, who spoke with USA Today.

In September, more than 50 more first issues will debut, introducing readers to stories that are grounded in each character's specific legend but also reflect today's real-world themes and events. [Jim] Lee spearheaded the redesign of more than 50 costumes to make characters more identifiable and accessible to comic fans new and old.

"We looked at what was going on in the marketplace and felt we really want to inject new life in our characters and line," says Dan DiDio, who co-publishes DC with Lee. "This was a chance to start, not at the beginning, but at a point where our characters are younger and the stories are being told for today's audience."

DiDio's remarks would seem to indicate that existing DC readers are going to see major changes in the status quo and continuities of their favorite characters and titles. while not entirely throwing out the existing histories of these iconic characters.

There's no conceivable reason to mess with high-selling moneymakers like Batman Incorporated, Green Lantern, Batman: The Dark Knight and, well, other Batman titles, and to do so would be a huge mistake, especially since Grant Morrison's major Leviathan uber-arc is, alongside Geoff Johns's Green Lantern, the only major DC title with ongoing stories continuing past August. The Superman and Wonder Woman franchises, on the other hand, are in desperate need of a shake-up. J. Michael Straczynski absolutely murdered any narrative momentum those books may have had before.

Unfortunately, while DC is unquestionably making a bold risk, it could blow up in their face just as easily as it could drag comics publishing kicking, screaming and tantruming into the twenty-first century. DC isn't launching a manageable line of high-class titles that they can slowly expand; they are flooding the market with fifty-two new series. Fifty-two. I'm not sure there are fifty-two exemplary creative teams in all of comics. Inevitably, a large number of these books are going to be a complete bust, and the new casual digital fan they're courting with this initiative won't have any idea which those will be. This has the potential to cause a big problem in the comics world, akin the the crash in the early 90s, when similar relaunches occurred.

Make no mistake, this entire endeavor is focused on the digital market. DC isn't dumb. They know print is dying. They know they have no chance at beating Marvel in the print market, as years and years of examples have proven. Rejuvenating the characters (literally) and providing a fresh start all across the line isn't about a quick sales bump in the direct market. In fact, it isn't about the direct market at all. It's all so that people logging into comiXology can check out these digital DC comics they've heard about don't see an issue number in the 900s after Action Comics and throw up their hands. This being said, there has been no statement about whether Action Comics, or Detective Comics - two of the longest running titles in comics ever - will get a new set of issue numbers, or if they will remain untouched.

A thing of the past?

And what about those struggling retailers that, as Brian Michael Bendis so bluntly put it, are getting "fucked in the ass" by this decision? If your shop is a small-town glorified UPS depot that makes its living off of pull lists, you're probably not going to make it. If you've built a loyal clientele, are savvy enough to get to know your customers' tastes and hand-sell them titles, and maintain a consistent backlist of high-selling, high-quality trade paperbacks and hardcovers, then chances are you have nothing to worry about.

But what if it goes wrong? DC is burning a lot of bridges in the interest of building this new one, and if both the direct market and digital consumers don't come to this in sufficient enough droves, this is going to be an incredibly difficult, if not impossible, car to turn around. They're risking losing the support of both their existing retail partners and their hardcore fanbase in the interest of drawing an entirely new readership. While this is exactly the sort of drastic action digital comics proponents have been praying for for years, make no mistake, if this blows up, DC is completely screwed.

Entertainment: The Hobbit's Return to Middle-Earth

Peter Jackson's adaptation of The Hobbit is underway. And despite some production setbacks, everything now appears to be rolling full steam ahead. So much so that they are confident in revealing titles and release dates for the two Hobbit films. The two parts will be called will be called The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and The Hobbit: There and Back Again. The first of which will be released on December 13, 2012, while the latter will hit theaters December 13, 2013. For all those J.R.R. Tolkien fans out there, that’s two straight years of Christmas presents from Jackson and crew.

Much of the cast from The Lord of the Rings whose characters appear in The Hobbit will be returning to Middle-Earth, including Elijah Wood as Frodo, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf, Sir Christopher Lee as Sauruman, Hugo Weaving as Elrond, Cate Blanchett as Galadriel and Andy Serkis as Gollum. New comers to the world the Jackson has built are Martin Freeman, of Hitchhicker's Guide To The Galaxy fame, as the young Bilbo Baggins - Ian Holm will return as the older Bilbo - and Stephen Fry as the Lord of Laketown. Rumour has it - and this in only rumour at this point - that Leonard Nimoy will voice the legendary dragon, Smaug.

I have to say, that as a fan of the LotR trilogy, I'm ecstatic that Jackson finally returned to direct The Hobbit, as I feel, he is the only director of truly giving Middle-Earth the justice it deserves. It was his vision that brought the other films to life, and it should never been in anyone else's hands.

Geek Culture: Hello, My Name is... Like?

Over the years, I've heard of some pretty damn ridiculous things, but this one may have just taken the cake: An Israeli couple has named their brand new baby girl Like, as in the Facebook "Like" button. Yes, seriously.

Parents Lior and Vardit Adler chose not to go with the most popular girls’ names in Israel right now — Noa, Maya, and Tamar — and instead go for a more unconventional approach.

The father said it’s important for him to give his children names that aren’t used anywhere else — at least not in Israel. Their first two children have unique names as well. One is named Dvash, which means honey in Hebrew, and the other is named Pie. The name wasn’t meant to be a gimmick or a way to make money from Facebook. The father said the word "like" had a "nice and international ring to it." He added that Facebook had become the icon of today's generation, but so did disco in the 70s, and you didn’t see anyone naming their kid Mirror Ball.


Although, this is not the first example of strange, tech-inspired baby-naming; in fact, one Egyptian couple named their baby Facebook, stating that they wanted to honour the social network's role in the recent Egyptian Revolution.

The least strange method of baby name selection is to go through what names you like, and checking to see if the corresponding URL is available, and going from there. A small but growing number of parents are getting domain names for their young kids, long before they can do more than peck aimlessly at a keyboard.

It's not known exactly how many, but the practice is no longer limited to parents in Web design or information technology. They worry that the name of choice might not be available by the time their babies become teens or adults, just as someone claimed the ".com" for Britney Spears' 11-month-old son before she could. Granted, this is less of an issue for those of us not in the public eye.

The trend hints at the potential importance of domain names in establishing one's future digital identity. Although some parents have yet to use the domain names they've bought, others are sending visitors to baby photos, blogs and other personal sites. Domain name owners have a variety of options to have their personal sites hosted, either for free or less than $10 a month.

With all of these new tech-inspired baby names, I've decided I'm going to name my next kid, Qwerty.

Technology: Zombie-Proof House

Sadly, does not make the Transformers
sound when converting to Safe Mode.

You may have already seen this. If not, you've at least considered the necessity of such a structure. It's really only a matter of time before some secret government facility "accidentally" lets loose some virus out into the world that turns you're next door neighbour into a brainless, brain eating zombie.

So, when shopping for a new house, don't just think about whether or not it can hold all your crap, but whether you and your crap will be safe when the zombie apocalypse finally hits a town near you.

"The Safe House," designed by KWK Promes, starts to get eerily close to something I could work with, if say 200 bludgeoned members of the undead army came over to eat their way into borrowing some sugar. "The most essential item for our clients was acquiring the feeling of maximum security," begins the designers' website in the summary of the structure. Who wouldn't feel safe in a concrete rectangle that folds in upon itself to become completely sealed? Even the windows are covered with a slab of concrete when the structure is on nap time.

The house, with its movable walls, has only one entrance, which is located on the second floor after crossing a drawbridge. Seems like the perfect opportunity to use a flamethrower and defend the life of your family, while stylishly nesting in a piece of architectural elitism awesomeness. Take that, Mr. Big Bad Wolf.

Geek Culture: Pimp My Cubical

 

A few weeks ago, I showed you how you can decorate your home, the Geek Way. This time around, let's take a look at turning your drab little cubical into a Workstation of Awesome.

No really, read it.

Before you get to decorating your area, you should make sure you have yourself a coffee mug that will make all other coffee mugs jealous. It's not just a vessel to hold that ever precious elixir of life that is coffee, it can also be yet another method to convey your disdain for the lesser mortals. Do you constantly get asked to fix other people's computers or get asked stupid questions that would only take a few minutes of looking at the manual to sort out? Tell 'em how you really feel with your mug. Or go for the badassedness of the brass knuckle-handled mug. No one will fuck with you with one of those in your hand.

Nest, choose your theme, or themes. Do you go sci-fi? How about Star Wars or Star Trek? Retro video games? How about comic books? Why not grab a pile of action figures and display them at your desk? I currently have most of the Justice League of America figures sitting above my triple monitor setup. Yeah, that's right. Three monitors. Is it completely ridiculous? Absolutely, but I have three freaking monitors! Alternatively, you could always build a train set, or rollercoaster circling the perimeter of your cubical, or build some epic battle scene with Lego.

Pardon me, but do you have
any Grey Poupon?

You could always add a USB Rocket Launcher and a pile of sandbags to keep those bastards away from your TPS Reports, or just as part of your office warfare armory. Many have even gone so far as to turn their cube into an English study, adding a touch of (cl)ass to their workplace.

A few great places to get some crazy cubical gear is of course ThinkGeek or KlearGear or even your local Home Depot and Toys R' Us.

So get those gears rolling and pimp out your cube. Feel free to send me pics to thehouseofgeek@gmail.com and maybe I'll do a showcase of your cubes! Oh, and don't forget your red Swingline.

Geek Culture: The Making of an Apple Fanboy

The OG Mac, circa 1984

I wasn't much of an Apple fan growing up. Sure, I got to use the Apple II and the first Mac (pictured at left) and that, in conjunction with the C64 was my introduction to the computer world. At that point, though, personal computing was still a fairly new thing, and we had no idea what we had in store a few years later, so there wasn't anything to hate, either.

Then, years later, I became more and more involved with the media industry, and Macs were the way to go back then. They were work horses, and could handle any task with ease. Oh, and they rarely, if ever crashed.

Fast forward a few years more, and the Windows-based machines had finally caught up, and even surpassed Macs in power and affordability. It became a standpoint that with a Windows machine, you could get twice the power of a Mac, for half the cost. And so, it was back with Windows 98 that I had fully moved into my position as a Windows guy. I had even taken a vehement stance against Apple for some time. But Windows-based computers still had a stigma attached to them that they were unreliable, and if you wanted to do any real work, you would use a Mac. As a studio designer/builder, I encouraged many of my clients to go for a PC instead of Mac, to save them money that they could use for other parts of their studios. This was around the time of Windows XP, and that OS had become very solid and dependable. The more I went around, the more I helped to end that stigma and bring the Windows-based computer up to what is considered a "professional" computer.

I never really cared for the snobbery that came around with your average Mac user. They looked down their nose at anyone who used a Windows computer. They rallied that the only computer you could use for graphics, audio or video applications was a Mac. The media industry as a whole has already proved this not to be true. Avid, a high-end video editing platform company had even made the shift away from Macs. Yes, this was in retaliation to Apple's Final Cut Pro software, and when Apple purchased eMagic's Logic Audio software, Avid's subsidiary Digidesign (the makers of Pro Tools) focused development towards Windows.

Then came the iPod. And iTunes. Apple finally did what they set out to do with the iMac and iBook a couple of years earlier, and reached the consumer market, lessening their focus on the professional market. Thanks to the MP3 taking over for the compact disc, Apple saw an opportunity that was still virtually untapped and released the first iPod in late 2001. At first, I liked the idea, but the price point was still too high for me to truly develop a proper interest in the product. At this point, mind you, I was still fairly anti-Apple. One of my then favourite bands was setting to release a new album, and the only way to check out any previews was through iTunes. And since I couldn't wait to hear it, I quickly downloaded and installed iTunes and listened to the thirty second clips. Up until then, I listened to my MP3s using Nullsoft's WinAmp, and until then, I thought I had the Bee's Knees of MP3 players. I was wrong. After a little iTunes education from one of my Apple-inclined office mates, I loaded my files into iTunes, and was astonished with how well it was laid out, and how well I could organize my music collection. Around two years later, I finally bought my first iPod (I've since bought two more) and could carry around said music collection in my pocket, instead of having to cart around a pile of CDs along with a bulky portable CD player.

I was pretty happy with my toe dipping into the Apple pool up until that point, then a few years ago, Apple started sticking it to the smartphone market with the awesome iPhone. Even though I was salivating over the iPhone, I had to settle with an iPhone knock-off, once again because the price point was still too high, and I thought the novelty factor would wear off. I was wrong. Again. A few months ago, my work handed me an iPhone 4, and I can assure you, the novelty has not in fact worn off. I have a BlackBerry as my personal cell, but I find myself "forgetting" it at home a lot these days. I also managed to get my hands on an older 1.25 GHz G4. Sure, it's not the latest and greatest, but hey, it was free and free is never a bad thing. And yes, I do happen to use it for my Pro Tools system, but not because Macs are superior to PCs, but because my PC is a laptop, and it's very difficult to stick a PCI card into a laptop.

So coming from an anti-Apple stance, to owning quite a few Apple products, I think I've come a long way. I've fallen in love with the OS X interface, and their newest systems from the Mac Pro, to the MacBook Pro. The Mac Mini is even a pretty neat little system. So, while I am an Apple Fanboy of sorts, I still do have a strong affinity towards PCs, and think it's really all a matter of personal preference, rather than one system being better than the other. But Apple sure does make some really awesome gadgets.

Geek Culture: Office Warfare

It's Friday, and you might be wanting to unwind after a rough week in the Cubical Pits. Time for a little Friday Fun: Office Warfare style.

Now the question is, do you go for psychological warfare, or a full-frontal assault? Well, if you're a prankster, and have some time on your hands, you might want to take the slowplay route of the psychological attack. Nothing relieves stress like fucking with people. If you have access to someone's computer, you could have all kinds of fun. OfficeWarfare.net has a few things that you can install, such as programs that hide windows randomly, or ones that turn capslock on, cause random keystrokes, or turn the mouse into a Downs Syndrome kid how just ate a bag of sugar. ThinkGeek.com has an inexpensive hardware version of this that plugs into a USB port - all you need to do is plug this badboy into the back of your coworker's computer, and let hilarity ensue.

Trash Your Neighbour's Cubical!

Low-tech attacks can be great, too. A little bit of Scotch tape over an optical mouse sensor will have your coworker scratching his or her head as to why their mouse won't work. You can also make a few photocopies of a paperclip or some other small object, and put those back into the copier, and watch as your victim searches high and low for where the paperclip is stuck. If you're able to get your neighbour away from his cubical for a while, grab a screwdriver and take out the screws holding his four walls of hell together, and laugh your ass off while his cubical falls apart when he sits down! You might want to warn your other office mates about the impending disaster so they won't be hit by any falling desk plants. Remember, keep it clean and don't hurt anyone!

Alternatively, if contact sports are more to your liking, you could grab a couple of buddies, some Nerf guns, spitballs, and a trident, and start your battle! Think Geek also carries a full line of wartime goodies such as USB powered Laser Guided Missile Launcher, Marshmallow Blaster, or Sonic Grenade. Or, if you want to go for longer range attacks, and have a few bucks laying around, you might be able to get your hands in a USB remote controlled tank (pictured at left), complete with four foam missiles. The trouble is, this badboy, as awesome as it is, isn't sold regularly anymore. Once upon a time, this was sold through Red5, you might be able to track this puppy down from eBay or another site.

If this all seems like too much work, then the Megatech Mega Missile Launcher RC Tank (right) might be the beast for you. The big downside to this comes when your boss catches you red-handed with the controller in your hand. All's fair at love and war? Not when your job's on the line. The hurt could come twice as hard if you were shooting it at him! That is, unless he just pegged you in the head with a flying marshmallow. Then it's fair game. While you're at it, why not throw a rubber chicken grenade? Just don't spill any coffee on yourself.

Poor Rubber Chicken

Geek Culture: Interior Design - The Geek Way

So you've finally peeled yourself out of your parent's basement and got yourself an apartment of your own. Good for you! You might actually meet people! Well, maybe not, but it will give you some new scenery in which to spend more countless hours playing WoW.

But should you decide to clear out the piles of empty pizza boxes, pop cans and coffee cups and invite people over to your awesome new digs, you should consider decorating a little. Question is, what's a geek to do? Well, you could always go to your local Ikea, and get the same crap everyone else who just moved out of their parents' has. Or you could whip out the credit card and do your shopping online. It's all a matter of where to look. Here's a look at some of the top pieces of geeky furnishings that I've found for you

The Han Solo Encased In Carbonite desk from Tom Spina Designs is a perfect place to start things off with. Not only can you spend hours imagining that you were Han and that a sexy Princess Leia would come and rescue you, but it makes for a great place to set up your home office. Having this beauty in your office would leave even the most tangentially geeky person in awe of your furniture owning prowess.

Couple the awesomeness that is the Han Solo Encased In Carbonite desk with the Emperor's Throne (also from Tom Spina Designs) and you've got yourself a workspace from which to rule the world, or at least your apartment.

There really are no words to describe this totally badass replica of the throne where Emperor Palpatine himself once sat his pasty, boney ass in beside fuck yeah!

Now, if only you could figure out how to use the Force to get that last slice of cold pizza from the fridge.

For a mere $2000, you can have Captain Kirk's chair from the original Star Trek series, or at least a reasonable facsimile of it. Having this chair in your living room makes even the most mundane of tasks an action-filled adventure in the 23rd century! Whether you're ordering pizza, changing channels or just masturbating gloomily, you'll feel like Captain Kirk ordering pizza, changing channels and masturbating gloomily and have all the confidence of a man who humped his way across the galaxy.

This chair swivels, lights up and plays sound effects (intercom hail, phaser and more) and immortal phrases that dripped from the lips of William Shatner when he commanded Starfleet’s most famous ship. This includes Shatner’s full "Space: The Final Frontier" prologue, "Chekov, arm photon torpedoes" and the perpetually useful "security alert to all decks". The officially licensed Enterprise furniture is available at Diamond Select Toys.

If you plan on entertaining more than just yourself in your hovel, you'll need a couch. And a coffee table. Here are a few options to geek up your living room, in a classy way.

For anyone with even the tiniest hint of nerd genes inside them, Scrabble was the awesomest of board games for one simple reason: it made you look smart. Sure, if you walk around all day spelling difficult words at people, you'll eventually get shot. But do it in the context of a Scrabble game, and suddenly you're the life of the party.

Do you know what's awesome about chemistry? Fucking everything, that's what. Argon? Lead? Molybdenum? Back in the day being a geek wasn't just about video games and a shrine to Megan Fox, you also had to be the kid with thick rimmed glasses who carried a pocket protector and actually knew what the fuck calculus was good for. Now that everything nerdy is ultra cool, it's time to embrace that genius heritage with the Periodic Table (get it?), which has a sample of all 88 naturally occurring elements embedded in a replication of the Periodic Table. At $8,550, it ain't cheap, but keeping it real never is. And while the table is a guaranteed conversation starter, each element comes in its own individual cube, meaning if you ever throw a party, you're going to wake up the next day with a table containing only shit elements like calcium and fucking xenon gas with a busted thorium cube leaking small amounts of radiation. Meanwhile some jackass is trying to pawn the chunks of gold, silver and platinum you like to rest your coffee on.

If gaming is more your style than science, (for shame! Science brought you that video game console, you fool!) then you could always go for the  Rubik's Cube Coffee Table instead. Rubik's Cubes were once a huge part of our culture, and back in the 80s everyone had one. The fact that most people "solved" it by breaking it apart or rearranging the stickers didn't matter.

But for some puzzle geeks, the Rubik's Cube remained the exemplar of cool. In a masterstroke of unnecessary and inexplicable inspiration, someone gambled that those people might need a table to keep coffee on, or to toss out some copies of Wired magazine when friends were coming over. And thus,  this piece of furniture genius was born. I know what you're thinking. Get a bunch of friends together to try to solve this huge bastard, and you'll have a great time. Sorry to spoil your fun, but retailing for $600, this table combines all of the function of a table with none of the fun of a Rubik's Cube, since it doesn't actually work. So really it functions as a table in much the same way any object of a similar size would, including the box the table comes in.

For some folks, it takes a little more than one piece of furniture to geekify their domains. They'll turn a whole room into a shrine to some piece of pop culture. Super-fans Vic Wertz and Lisa Stevens used to run the Official Star Wars Fan Club and even the Star Wars Insider magazine. But even though they’re both out of that business now, they still pay homage to their dark lord and master each and every day. The entire thing was designed by Doug Chiang, the lead designer on Episodes I and II. DVDs are tucked behind a hidden door replica of Han Solo in carbonite, and the entire star field is lit by fiber optics.

For an extra dash of badassery, they added a life-size model of Boba Fett, and a life-size model of closet case, C3PO. Throw in a massive flatscreen and a few wicked chairs, and you have the ultimate place to watch Star Wars. Having any kind of home theater is pretty awesome, but a Star Wars home theater is double deep-fried awesome with extra awesome dipping sauce. What I'm really trying to say is, it's awesome.

The downside is that it's pretty much only good for watching Star Wars. It might get a little weird having Boba Fett see you cry when Macaulay Culkin dies at the end of My Girl. And forget about porn. Can you imagine tugging one out under the never-ending robot gaze of Threepio? His cold, robotic stare, observing you. Judging you.

Not enough to just deck out one room? Well, you and Tony Alleyne of England will have a lot to talk about. A big fan of Star Trek: Voyager, he completely stripped his apartment and refitted it to look like the starship.

Much like most of you, I like Seven of Nine's space-age tits too, and arguably there's something cool about living in an immersive world in which it seems like they're only a warp core breach away, but come on. We're talking about freaking Voyager here. While late at night after binge drinking Yoo-Hoo and schnapps it might seem like an awesome idea to model your entire home after Star Trek, but dressing it up as the second worst Star Trek series ever? Not Star Trek, TNG or even Deep Space Nine, but fucking Voyager?!

In the harsh light of day, the fantasy falls apart a bit. For instance, there is no longer the harsh light of day. Lacking windows as the dank starship Voyager did, Alleyne's home is a shut-in's dream cave making its owner a little more Gollum-like with each passing day. And in case you're wondering, yes, his wife left him.

And lastly, the piece of furniture that I stumbled on this morning that started this whole thing off: The Binary Table 01, from BRC Designs.

Let’s face it, a lot of people don’t recycle their old electronics. When they get a new cell phone, laptop, or replace that old desktop they’ve had collecting dust since 1995, most people are clueless about what to do with their old tech products. So, into the trash they go. However, one design firm decided to follow the Three R’s (reduce, reuse, recycle), and decided to create something out of all those discarded computer parts.

In an abandoned warehouse, BRC Designs found a heap of old and discarded computers and electronics. They took motherboards, computer chips, LED screens, and hard drive disks, and used them to make one of the geekiest coffee tables I’ve ever seen. By bending the materials into the correct shape, and holding them in place with sheet metal screws, the Binary Table 01 was born. Even the top of the table is recycled. It too was found in the abandoned warehouse.

Although you can’t actually plug it in and expect it to work, the table is still interactive. The Binary Table 01 has disks that spin, buttons that click, and pieces that slide. So, if you’re bored on a rainy day, at least your coffee table can briefly entertain you.

Geek Culture: Trouble Meeting Girls? Look to the Clouds!

So, you'd like to have a girlfriend, but you're too awkward to go out and meet one? Can't find any women who would understand your comic book and gaming habits (trust me, it's hard to find them, but they are out there)? Afraid of daylight? All you WoWers still living in your parents' basement can take a sigh of relief. If you're the kind of geek who's having some difficulties in the lady department, then look no further than Cloud Girlfriend.

In four easy steps, the nice folks at CloudGirlfriend.com will help you out of this mess:
          Step 1: Define your perfect girlfriend.
          Step 2: We bring her into existence.
          Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network
          Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

You'll be the envy of all your Facebook and Twitter friends who will think that you have done the unthinkable and branched out and met someone. But wait! Doesn't Facebook's Terms of Service clearly state that it doesn't allow for the creation of fake people? It does. Some good information is already available on Q&A site Quora, and CGf.com co-founder, David Fuhriman, successfully dodged this question. He noted that other people make up fake personas all the time, and that the created people will in fact be active Facebook users, even if they aren’t real people. Cloud Girlfriends will be real people, not programmed bots, and that there will be no adult services/chat offered. This is simply a ruse to make people (possibly even yourself) think you have a girlfriend.

Don't worry, ladies. Plans are in place to make Cloud Boyfriend happen, if CGf ever gets off the, er, ground.

Technology: Pump Up The Volume

Anyone remember that Christian Slater flick from the early '90s as fondly as I do? For those who aren't familiar with it, go watch it. You won't be sorry, if you can get past the obviously dated fashion sense of the early '90s. In the movie, Slater played an awkward but smart kid, Mark Hunter, from the eastern US, moved unceremoniously to the suburbs of Arizona. His dad bought him a shortwave radio kit, so he could keep in touch with his friends back home. Instead, Mark uses it to start a pirate radio station, and under the guise of Hard Harry, he lets loose all sorts of mayhem at his high school, and a constant barrage of Leonard Cohen's Everybody Knows.

It all seemed like so much fun. What a way to reach out and be heard by so many people. Sure, social networking sights such as Twitter and Facebook do a great job of that, but it just doesn't have the same charm as sitting in your dimly lit bedroom with a home-built radio station does.

"Ham radio", another term for amateur radio, is intended solely to be the licensed and private use of designated radio bands, for purposes of private recreation, non-commercial exchange of messages, experimentation, self-training, and emergency communication. Amateur radio, like other regulated radio services, operates under rules that limit the maximum power and the technical and operational characteristics of transmissions. Amateur radio stations are issued with a designated call sign to allow identification of stations. The power of amateur radio equipment is restricted, and operators must not cause interference to other authorized radio users. They may not broadcast to or communicate with the public with their equipment. They are only allowed to communicate with other licensed operators. National regulations governing amateur radio use are coordinated under international agreements since radio frequency transmissions can cross multiple national boundaries. But where is the fun in that?

So how would you go about building your own "pirate" radio station? You could head down to your local electronics shop and buy a heap of semi-expensive equipment and a stack of Leonard Cohen records, or you can go the high-tech route, and go with online streaming options, such as Nulsoft's SHOUTcast, or NCH's BroadWave among others. Still, you will generally need a few things to get your show happening, such as a microphone, a mixer maybe, some audio editing software and a pretty decent computer. If you want to be legit in any way, you should also shell out a couple of bucks for licensing if needed (depending on the streaming service you go with). A few bucks here and there might mean the difference between some awesome radio, or a night in jail. All this should generally be cheaper than a day at Radio Shack, but you'll be set for a long time either way.

Go, make some Radio Gaga, some Radio Googoo, and shoot me your station addresses!

Entertainment: C-32 No More?

In an update to our previous post, the recent call for a Federal Election has put the call for copyright reform by the wayside. Again. This is the third time parliament has been dissolved before any changes to our current copyright laws could be changed. A few questions arise from this: What does this mean for the average listener to be able to access music via The Cloud or other streaming/download sources?  What does this mean for musicians and how do their rights get protected?  How about that proposal where ISPs should pay the same kind of fees broadcasters do? And ultimately, what does this mean for the future of radio?

Clearly, this will not be in the forefront of any candidates campaigns, but it should be. If you get the chance to talk to your local candidates about this and other issues, you'd be doing every music fan and musician a favour.

Technology: Car 2.0?

In the blink of an eye, the technology that we have become so reliant on can change how we live and function in an ever changing world. Just take a look at the flat panel HDTV on your wall, or the smart phone in your pocket. Hell, even the internet has changed the way we live, compared to twenty years ago. It's amazing to look back on the advances we've made in the last few years, and how accepting we've become on the gadgets we use on a day-to-day basis.

With cars though, the auto industry seems to be stuck in a rut, merely updating the same old same old rather than replacing the lot of it with superior technology. Sure, there have been some minor advances with hybrid engines for a greener environment, but that's only been a small step towards the future. Just step into the driver's seat of your typical late-model car or truck and you're confronted with a big wheel for steering that is mechanically connected to a rack, wheels and tires. Look left and right and you'll see some glass mirrors that are good for reflecting images of the things behind you. And most of the cars today still come with analog dials, while the few that do have handy and intuitive touch screen interfaces do so as a nicety, not for primary operation. If it ain't broke, don't fix it?

If you want to steer a car today, it's by way of a straight forward physical connection. You are connected to the steering wheel, the steering wheel is connected to a shaft, and the hand bone s connected to the arm bone... It's simple, has worked for a hundred years and it'll work for a hundred more. But what if there's more?

But while the conventional mechanical method is a proven and reliable system (and let me remind you, so was the old tube TV), it does have its drawbacks. Firstly, the whole thing weighs a hell of a lot. Pre-power steering, you needed to gulp down a can of spinach in order to turn the wheel when parking. Power steering - a major advancement in the auto industry, thirty years ago - is a system that both adds a lot of weight and drains power. Also, technology had a hand in improving on steering wheel design by making the steering column collapsible and adding air bags so you're not impaled by it in a frontal collision, or your teeth aren't unceremoniously removed by the wheel itself. But there's still a big spike between your legs (gently, boys) and it's pointing straight at your chest with a big, round tooth smasher on top. Oh, and that was a long time ago, too.

Now, as anyone who's every played a video game can tell you, driving a car with your thumbs on a stick or hand on a joystick is pretty darn easy. "Drive by wire" takes the mechanical operation of a vehicle and puts it in the hands of a computer commanded by an operator - or driver, in this case. The theory behind drive by wire in an actual vehicle is much the same: you make an input on a stick that is recognized by a computer then sent down a wire to some actuators that turn the wheels. It's a system that's light and compact, requiring a couple of high tech boxes at each end and some cables connected to a computer. It means no more heavy mechanical linkages, metal spikes lurking behind your wheel - no steering wheel at all, potentially.

Several manufacturers in the nineties experimented with a joystick setup. Saab had a proof-of-concept 9000 on display as early as 1992 which had a joystick where the gear shift would be. More recently, BMW has made some beautiful looking drive-by-wire prototypes that simply scream Car 2.0, freeing up valuable dashboard real estate and allowing more room for safety and greater visibility in the process.

But as jet fighters, space ships and even passenger ferries have been employing by-wire operation for decades, the car is still just second-generation caveman with the old wheel in the helm.

Rear and side view mirrors have been around almost as long as the car itself - it didn't take them long to figure out that tunnel vision and driving didn't mix. Of course, mirrors have drawbacks in that they're not "life sized" and thus, blind spots. Also, a car's body, sides and roof structure also make for opaque impediments that even a mirror can't see through. Headrests and even passengers' heads get in the way, too. So we shoulder check before changing lanes or making a turn. Or we're supposed to, anyway.

The rear facing camera has made its way into cars as a way to mitigate the rearview mirror's shortcomings - but as a safety augmentation, not as a replacement for the mirror itself. And there's still no camera option to replace the sideview mirror, but there should be. Instead of having mirrors perched on our doors, how about a wide angle camera lens the size of a thumb tack? This would net a larger field of view in a small package aiding in aerodynamics and aesthetics in the process. Add another one on your trunk lid and you have the perfect solution. Display it all in the dash on a full HD widescreen display and you've no more blind spots, you rarely take your eyes off the road for but a second, and suddenly parallel parking is as simple as one-piece Tetris.

Cameras seem like an obvious solution and have many advantages over normal mirrors - but they also have their drawbacks that legislators won't ignore. For example, unlike a camera, a mirror doesn't stop working when there's an electrical failure. Then again, neither does your iPhone, which only needs a wee battery to keep it operating. Power a camera system with a back-up battery and the problem is pretty much solved, no? What's more likely is a camera system in place as a redundancy to mirrors, then a whole lot of studies showing that drivers don't actually rely on the mirrors anymore.

If one were to design a car from scratch with no pre-conceived ideas on how it would look or function, the so-called "suicide doors" would instantly make it to the drawing board. Suicide doors are doors hinged in reverse from that of a conventional door; they open "backwards," so to speak, and make access to your seat much easier. If you've ever stepped into a London cab you have found it so easy to get in and out, because the door doesn't force you through a funnel to get to the seat. They're just better, period.

Carbon Motors new purpose-built police car will have this feature just to make it easier to throw perps into the back. This seemingly obvious design has recently returned to fashion on cars such as the Mazda RX-8, Honda Element and the newer Rolls Royces.

It has the unfortunate name stemming from the notion of jumping from a moving car and getting smacked by the door. Just look at any James Dean movie from the '50s. But the reality is that the backward facing door had mounting problems back in the day. When cars were relatively new, door latch design wasn't great, and suicide doors had a tendency to fly open on a whim, also aiding to the name. Likewise, the structural stiffness of the chassis ore than a little questionable, and car doors would often sag not fit, unless mounted forward. The front hinged solution was adopted, and was never really revisited until recently, now that common sense and super rigid manufacturing materials are part and parcel with automobile construction.

Believe it or not all of these design elements could have been on our cars for decades. It is not a lack of technology holding us back, but the legislation that constrains their evolution. In Europe, Rolls Royce had to go to great lengths with the authorities to prove their suicide door could not open on the move and cause injury, even though I'm sure none of us here can remember the last time a car door flew open due to a latch problem.

And drive-by-wire seems like the next logical step for steering to some, but clearly it's too "radical" for the powers that be, as if only fighter pilots and 12-year-old Gran Turismo experts can wrap their heads around joystick control. Fair enough, some people just wouldn't get it... though anyone under the age of 52 probably would. They're the same ones who fgured out how to program a VCR. For now, inroads in campus runabouts like the GM EN-V will have to make drive-by-wires the norm, not the oddity, before you get to take your joystick out on the highway.

Until governments recognize the need for advancement in order to actually improve safety rather than just mitigate the shortcomings of last year's models, reduce weight and keep costs down, Car 2.0 won't happen until Car 1.1, 1.2 and 1.3 prove viable. It's the slow road, but at least the Gran Turismo nuts have something to look forward to on their 52nd birthday.

To me, the more important question is, where is the Flying Car we were promised all those years ago?

Geek Culture: Psst!!

Hey, check this out..

News Release for iPhone 5

It's ok, I'll wait.





Yeah, you were just RickRolled. An internet phenomenon from early 2008, RickRolling was the act of posting misleading links, seemingly relevant to discussions and threads. Instead, these links were directed to the YouTube clip of Rick Astley's video for his hit 1987 song, "Never Gonna Give You Up". The first RickRoll appeared on the imageboard website, 4chan.org and quickly spread across the internet, eventually catching the attention of Astley, himself, who found the phenomenon "bizarre and funny". RickRolling reached it's peak later in 2008, when Rick Rolled the 2008 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

The question here is this: Is Rick Astley even allowed to RickRoll? Doesn't it take away from the bizarreness of it when Rick himself does it? I think it would.

Long thought dead, the sensation has made something of a comeback, helped out in part by Toronto radio host, Josie Dye of 102.1 the edge, who has recently taken to posting RickRolls via her Twitter page.

Entertainment: This Just In!

The soothing sounds of the Sexy Sax Man! Beyond epic! Don't believe me? Just watch.

Technology: Vive La Resistance!!

In December 2010, an intense campaign of civil resistance began in the North African country of Tunisia (Geek reference: Tunisia was the place that once was the setting for Tattooine in the Star Wars saga) forcing President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, who first assumed power in 1987, to step down and flee to Saudi Arabia. The protests were sparked by high unemployment, inflation, lack of freedom and poor living conditions.

These protests and civil unrest involved with the Tusisian Revolution lead to the Egyptian Revolution a mere 11 days after Ben Ali fled Tunisia. The uprising, in which the participants placed emphasis on the peaceful nature of the struggle, mainly comprised a campaign of civil resistance, which featured a series of demonstrations, marches, acts of civil disobedience, and labor strikes. Egyptian protesters focused on legal and political issues not entirely unlike those of Tunisia. Ultimately, this led to the resignation of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, ending his 30 years in power.

Next came Libya, a country nestled between Tunisia and Egypt, whose dictator, Muammar Gaddafi has stated that he will die in power. Unlike the previous protests in Tunisia and Egypt, the Libyan uprising - which is still ongoing - has been a bloody one, with many violent encounters between Gaddafi's supporters and those who seek to remove him from power. In response, Gaddafi has shut down all internet communications, and arrested Libyans who have given phone interviews to the media. The turmoil in Libya has escalated to the point that the UN has declared a no-fly zone in the skies above Libya, and numerous US and British forces have been reported to have dropped bombs on Libyan airfields, and fired missiles at several defense systems.

In each of these uprisings, social networking and media outlets have been shut down, either briefly, or for a prolonged period. Has social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter given that much of a voice to the people that the leaders who are trying so desperately to cling onto power are in fear of them? Has the people seen for themselves what the West really is all about, and not the Infidels that their leaders have led them to believe for all these years? Even China is blocked Google's Gmail, in addition to Facebook and Twitter. Some say this block is targeted at political activists trying to start a "Jasmine Revolution" in the country. The question is, will it?

Gadgets: Battle of the Smartphones!

I'm one of the few to own both an iPhone and a BlackBerry smartphone. I have the iPhone 4 16GB, and the Blackberry Curve 3G, but to make things fair for the purposes of this test, I've abducted my wife's BlackBerry Torch 9800. Both are on different networks, but that's not part of this comparison.

Let's get started, shall we?

First thing's first, a by-the-numbers side by side comparison.

	iPhone 4	BlackBerry Torch 9800
Professional Target Market	Tech Sector	Business Sector
Display Size	3.5” Retina Display (960x640 pixels)	3.2” High Resolution (480x360 pixels)
Interface	Multi-Touch Screen Only	Multi-Touch Screen and slide-out Qwerty keyboard, trackpad
OS	iOS 4.x	Blackberry OS 6
Processor	Apple A4 1GHz	624 MHz
Memory/Storage	512 MB RAM/16 or 32 GB flash drive	512MB RAM/4GB flash + 4GB microSD (expandable to 32GB)
Size/Weight	4.5”x2.31”x0.37” 4.8 ounces	4.37”(5.83” open)x2.44”x0.57” 5.68 ounces
Battery	Built-in 1420 mAh lithium-ion. 7 hours talk/300 hours standby (3G network)	1300 mAHr lithium-ion. 5.5 hours talk/18 days standby (3G network)
Camera	5-megapixel, w/autofocus, LED flash, 5x zoom. HD quality video (720p)	5-megapixel, w/autofocus, flash, 2.5x zoom. VGA quality video (640x480)
Audio Formats	AAC (8 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), HE-AAC, MP3 (8 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, 4, Audible Enhanced Audio, AAX, and AAX+), Apple Lossless, AIFF, and WAV	MP3, AAC-LC, AAC+, eAAC+, WMA, AMR-NB, MIDI, FLAC, Ogg Vorbis
App Selection	+350,000 available from iTunes App Store	+10,000 available from BlackBerry App World

Both phones have their ups and downs, and I do enjoy both, to a degree. The Torch's  big downside, for me, is that it is a little bulky, and the slide-out qwerty keyboard feels a little cramped, compared to other BlackBerrys. The iPhone's touchscreen keypad is a dream, once you get used to working with a touchscreen. But that's not a of the iPhone directly - that's just how touchscreens are. Win: iPhone 4

On the other hand, the Torch is better suited for selecting and copying text and other items and using the data in other applications than the iPhone, with the use of the trackball that's found on all BlackBerry phones. Win: BlackBerry Torch 9800

Personally, I enjoy navigating through the iPhone better. You can configure your apps to reside in folders, thus keeping like-apps together, instead of all over the place, like you have with the Torch. Win: iPhone 4

Both phones have a snappy, multitasking OS, and make it fairly easy to get around and be productive. The multitasking however, is a little better on the Torch, and although the processor is technically slower, it chugs along smoothly. Win: BlackBerry Torch 9800

The sheer amount and variety of apps available to iPhone users is just mind boggling. Apps, both paid and free, are available for virtually any task, for both professional and entertainment use. Apple's tagline of "There's an App for That" is beyond accurate. RIM's BlackBerry App World is lacking in this department, but since BlackBerrys are typically used by the business types, there are plenty to get the job done. Like with all cross-platform applications, some work better on the iPhone, and some work better on the BlackBerry. Win: iPhone 4

Syncing apps and music on the iPhone is done through Apple's iTunes software, and done very easily and intuitively. The BlackBerry Desktop Manager is fairly less so. Not that you can't syncronize everything you need to fairly seamlessly from your handheld to your computer, you can and you can do it well. Just not as well as with the iPhone 4. Both can easily syncronize with your Outlook account to manage your time, contacts and appointments. Handy, huh? Win: Draw

Ultimately, it all boils down to personal preference, but for me, the iPhone 4 is a much better phone/personal assistant, as I find myself reaching for my iPhone more often than my BlackBerry to execute most tasks.